Who Am I?

So it's almost the end of the semester, and this English class has really opened my eyes about what the world really looks like, and let me tell you it aint pretty ladies and gents.

Looking back at my old writing assignments and thinking back to articles we've read in class I've never realized that the way one writes, the way one speaks, the way one thinks,  and the way one acts has been affected and/or controlled by the people around us. For example, in my diagnostic essay I wrote about how I strongly believe that family should be important in one's life. I went on on how mothers and fathers were the first teachers in your life, to siblings teaching you how to fight back, protect, love, etc. Basically, the point I was trying to say was that family is important because they are what shapes the person you are today. And, I was kinda right...

I guess I already had a sense that we were taught how to behave a certain way, or how to do things a certain way ever since we were wee little babies by momma and dada (or by some other family member). But I never realize that I, myself, never had the chance to do what I wanted throughout my life until now. And come to think of it, that's a pretty sad life... Don't get me wrong! I love my parents to death, and they sacrificed so much to get me this far in life. and I'm grateful for that. But now that I have the opportunity to do what I want now and I'm on my own, I sometimes don't know and can't decide what I want for myself.

Remember when we had our first blog post assignment. There wasn't really a structure on how a blog should look like, or how what it sounds like. It doesn't say that it has this amount of paragraphs, with these types of word choices, and it has to be in this format, blah, blah, blah...For me, it was really hard to break the title, 5 paragraph, academic language routine. And that's because we were taught to write that way by schools, schools that were taught by government, government that was taught by some white guy. It all goes back to some white guy or  by one person that decided that this is what we should do because it's the "right way", because they say so?! Pffff!!!!

So, since I'm labeled as a college Latina majoring in Biology I don't have the same chances or opportunities of becoming a scientist, doctor, or professional compared to the college white guy next me?! Is it because of my brown skin? My boobs? My long hair? Facial structure? ¿Mi lengua materna? Or is it just because some person decided that white males are better for the job than moi 'cause throughout the years they have "done it better" ? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??!!

In my Paper 2 I discovered by looking at what's really behind the mask of my discipline that we as females have to show the whole damn male-dominant-STEM-world that we are just as smart as males by the way we can write a 30 page research journal like them, use very high scientific language, show proof of our research with images WE have done, and even get our research looked at and criticized by some, "Dr. I have a penis and Ph.D and you don't" person?! We have to work TWICE as hard making it even more difficult for us to be at their level and we don't even get the same bank$$$ as them? THIS IS NOT RIGHT!

This society is so fucked up, and that's why I now know I have to change that, or at least try. I know that I have to work twice as hard now as a college student because I wasn't as privileged compared to others. And that there may be people in the future that may put me down, and try to control who they want me to be. But its okay, I'm up for the challenge up ahead. I want to set an example to younger girls who want to be scientist and prove that it can be possible to be successful no matter what color your skin is, or where you come from. I won't let anyone be the backseat driver, it's my choice, I drive my own life to where I want to go.



This English class has taught me to not be my own voice and person. I've never really been able to speak my own mind before, and I've never would have thought that there were different invisable narratives in the world around us. I'm able to express who I really am, and know who I am. Having my eyes opened up and see what really lies beyond this broken world, is something I and we, the new generation of young people coming to this world, have to start a change for future generations to come.