Forced to know

I am a person like everyone else. Some people are privileged and some are not. I myself am not, relatively speaking. A lot of what I own is because of myself and my determination to see a better life. That is who I am and what I believe in. Success is what I strive for in any aspect. I love being the best at what I do, and I especially love doing what people do not expect me to do. I spend a great deal of time thinking of paths. I think, wonder, and dream of paths. The most general explanation would be cause and effect.
"Maybe I will be here if i do this, or maybe I will be there if I do that". I think of some of the craziest things, and then sometimes I watch them happen. I don't know what people think of deja vu. But I myself do not take it lightly. There have been a couple times I have "relived" situations but I sometimes think of how I came to be in those situations in the first place and it is pretty bizarre. One example is when I was talking to an aunt who I had not seen or talk to in a long time. So how is it that I find myself remembering talking to her on such a fluke situation. I did not call her or try to see her or anything like that so how is it that we come to have this conversation that I remember being at and what if we didn't come to be would that conversation never take place? sometimes I think of and alternate reality and dreams manifesting the future in all entirety, but we only remember what we live and everything that didn't happen is brushed off or forgotten. The saddest part about is it I have no dreams about my future, and I have no one who I ever talk to about it. That is my constant reality and I am doing as best as I can to hold on to the dream that college entitles success but every day it becomes that much more insignificant. I never had anyone who told me what college was about and I am not sure if I know anyone who went to college. But I am the one burdened with it all out, because I at 19 years old am forced to figured it all out.